3 strangers at the gas station

Hi there again.

Are you as relieved as I am you survived my last email without major emotional damage?

Anyhow so it’s come to my attention we got more serious topics to discuss today…

Like the story of how I did (or didn’t) get home last Sunday.

Let’s recap real quick:

• I’m in the middle of nowhere at my grandparent’s house, 314 km from home

• After 2 days of relatively intense mourning my relatives, I decide I’m 1 grandkid too many in the ridiculously crowded house

• I leave in the evening… for what would be a 3.5 hours drive.

So what happened, you ask?

Well you’re real great with the questions there so let me explain…

Minimally emotionally impaired cz of the theatrical scene at the house I get into my car with even more minimal preparation:

No Google Maps this time.

I’ll drive from memory and eh, road signs.

How hard can it be?

Just to be sure, my deeply practical and unfairly capable uncle Mike goes through the additional trouble of explaining simple directions to me.

He’s endearingly optimistic, considering the facts.

And the facts are:

I got the spatial awareness and orientation skills of your average garden frog (in worse).

(alongside an innate capability of deliberately ignoring instructions)

To my credit, I make it exactly 31 minutes before taking a wrong turn (the first one there is really but who’s counting).

Thing is, I’m also thoroughly optimistic.

I can go 50 km down the completely wrong road before admitting defeat. So well…

After passing 3 towns I’d never heard of, ending up in a forest in the much more middle of nowhere, and fighting with my non-existent Internet connection…

I begrudgingly call Mike.

“I said the 3rd exit from the roundabout - not the 1st.”

(u see my mistake was real minimal there)

But Mike’s a great guy, and Mike happily explains directions (yet again).

“Thank you thank you, I’ll call u again if I don’t make it this time”, I reassure him.

47 ¾ km later…

Ok wait.

The good news is, I’ve taken the right turn this time.

The bad news is, I’ve circled the same town 3 times.

And, to be completely honest…

I’m getting kinda anxious.

It’s dark.

I’m still 3 hours away from home.

There’s still no Internet connection (wtf?)

To make things worse, my car had started making more noises than usual…

Plus, I’m thoroughly annoyed. I kinda don’t wanna admit it but…

I’m lost again.

Do I call Mike?

Absolutely not.

That would be too easy, right?

Instead, I get off the main road, and…

«clonk»

…Catch a quail crossing by genuine surprise.

Great.

Now, I’m not only lost, I’m also a murderer..

I’d just killed my first animal.

Rattled, tired & feeling sorry for the bird, I pull onto a gas station to eat the frog… and ask for directions, yet again.

(Google Maps still couldn’t be bothered to help a girl out)

There’s 3 guys at the counter, staring at me.

“Hi, any idea how I get to the A7?” I ask.

And an idea they have not.

What they do have is Maps.

(Still no Internet for me)

“Didn’t pay your phone bills?” The feistier of the guys asks.

“Here, this should work…” The cashier guy gesticulates while explaining his Google Maps.

I drift off, suddenly annoyed with myself for ignoring my aunt’s advice about keeping a physical map in the car.

Who reads maps nowadays like, really???

“Got it?”

Cashier guy snaps me out of my trance.

I most apparently have not.

He looks puzzled… and visibly out of ideas.

What now?

I’d really love to get home u see…

Next try:

Feisty guy shares his wifi so I can download the map.

Easy right?

Still…

A resounding sound of nothing (Google Maps-wise).

There’s only one solution left…

With road instructions explained for dummies (written on some cake paper), I finally leave the gas station.

I solemnly swear to not tell a soul about my detour.

The 3 guys solemnly do nothing of the kind.

5 hours only…

is what it takes me to get home.

ANYHOW I MADE IT OK???

But the real takeaway for you:

Back home i inspect my Internet connection. The actual issue?

My new VPN was blocking right about anything… Leaving me utterly mapless.

Well hey hello thanks.

So if ure stranded in the middle of nowhere…

If ure questioning your country’s infrastructure every day through Friday…

If you like me spend time of your life heading in the wrong direction for missing a fucking map…

Don’t get a VPN.

I hope you learned something today.

Bye, good riddance & safe travels.

xx Lessa

PS bad decisions make excellent stories you can tell your subs about