please fall prey to YouTube titles

Hi so how about we have a little chat!!

You down?

Cool.

…

Uhm.

You wanna tell me about…

No?

How about…

No?

So you just expect me to…?

A’ight. (just this one time)

But I still hope you’re taking some time off from watching your stocks crash and focus on the one thing you can control (you)!!

Cz amidst all the crazy I was binging on YouTube lately one speech stopped me dead in my, well, bed:

[YES i admit watching Hollywood drama plots distract me from my stocks]

So here’s Candace Owens who I’m still mad at for calling Eminem gay & irrelevant spitting some serious truths:

Oh wait you need more context you say?

Ok right so burn it down I did.

After 2 years of writing online, in the past 2 months I’ve successfully

• quit socials and focused offline (for now)

• stopped my welcome sequence (i’ll rewrite it)

• shut down my Ghost blog (didn’t represent me anymore)

• gone back to setting my own goals (it’s great u should try it)

Lessa why would you-

Yaaa well look. Long story short it wasn’t sustainable. Short story long…

I crashed.

I could literally NOT brainwash my brain into braining anymore.

I wrapped up my projects & cut down on the cows.

I had to shut the door on people.

I’ll spare you the hyperbole but what i will say is this:

“Just suck it up” works pretty neat for a few decades.

…Until it doesn’t.

To be completely honest with you-

I’ve been diagnosed with a bunch of cool things including but not limited to severe Complex PTSD, severe Burnout, severe Disorganized Attachment and a severe Trauma-Organized Performance System.*

But you know i wouldn’t just hand you my private life for no reason…

If you love working & creating & solving problems & making sense of stufff and wouldn’t know what to do without…

Here, have my respects.

STILL:

You micromanaging every day of your life isn’t healthy ambition or such a cool work ethic.

I really do hate telling you this but…

It’s a trauma response.

Now here’s what actually blew my mind:

[ok let me set the scene first]

So I’m kinda forced to do nothing right now and nothing doesn’t sit well with me so I do what i shouldn’t do which is falling prey to YouTube titles AND there was this interview about a songwriting process that gave me another epiphany cz well u know…

You working harder to control stuff isn’t the answer.

You doing things to let things happen is.

Real quote from the video:

"I swear to God I black out and then I wake up and there's crumbs all over me and a song is done.”

The thing I was too blind to see:

Excessive control actively hurts your creative work.

Look.

I’ve always just known stuff. I’ve always been annoyingly creative, I’ve always been great at pattern recognition, but I’ve actually been greater…

At ignoring my gut.

I’ve made it my sole mission to fight against it because creativity & intuition just aren’t things you can easily make sense of…

Or control.

[well technically intuition is past data but let’s not get technical]

Remember the trauma response?

See, trauma develops from a place where you felt powerless and without control.

When you felt like you absolutely didn’t have a choice.

When you were helpless.

And you’re right:

There was nothing you could do.

But here’s the cool thing:

Today, you do have a choice.

There’s everything you can do.

↳ You just don’t know it yet.

So how about you stop that control thing and start trusting the process.

It’ll make your work more creative.

It’ll get you the best opportunities.

It’ll show you the right people.

So chances are you’re out there right now trying to tick more boxes that truly don’t matter…

Just because of some ‘expert’ that said…

“Intuition isn’t a business model.”

Oh well but it is.

1. I just binged myself into this newsletter (admit it my writing got stronger).

2. I still get my best jobs from not trying (attracting vs chasing is a thing).

3. I know a good soul when I see one (attracting vs chasing is a thing).

So if you’re a tiny bit OCD, overachiever or otherwise insane…

If you’re feeling like you’re losing control of your life…

If u wanna spare yourself the pain and the detours and the scandalous breakdowns do this:

Please fall prey to YouTube titles AND WELL ALSO…..

Trust your gut.

xx Lessa

PS you’ll rebuild.

PPS i cheated: i still got my email list <3

PPPS share this with someone who really needs to hear it!!