the fall of email marketers

Good morning . Enjoying your Sunday coffee?

I wasn’t gonna write today but there’s a story you need to hear…

(plus I’m trying to save my deliverability ok)

Now, this might surprise you:

It’s about cows.

It’s always about cows.

I thought you knew me by now!!

Ok here we go.

Once upon a time….

There was a farmer.

The farmer was grappling with a cow who’d given birth for the first time.

Grappling how?

See, another SOP in dairy farming is…

You separate mother & calf and train the cow to accept milking machines instead.

In 97% of cases, the cows comply.

But here’s the thing…

Not with this one.

Upon having her calf taken from her, she refuses to give away her milk.

She had produced it, but let’s just say… she intends on keeping it for her calf rather than donate it for human gains.

So when the farmer tries milking her, her storage tank is bursting -

but the milk just won’t flow.

The cow deliberately stops the humans from taking her stuff.

How?

I’ll explain…

Meanwhile, the farmer milks another cow to feed her calf, hoping she’ll eventually come around.

The night goes by.

No giving in.

The young cow is in pain now - holding in 15+ litres of milk is exhausting..

and genuinely painful.

He gives her pain killers (and a bottle of rum).

Nothing.

Now…

What’s missing for a cow to readily give away her goods?

You see…

In nature, the presence of her calf triggers her hormones.

In particular…

One hormone called oxytocin.

It’s the hormone that relaxes her and lets the milk flow.

It’s the hormone that bonds mama cow to her calf.

Without calf, without oxytocin…

Well, no milk.

Science’s solution?

To put the new mother out of her misery and kickstart her new career as a dairy cow, there’s only one card left to play:

A shot of oxytocin.

(I’m not kidding)

For cases like these, you inject the cow with the hormone… so she would relax and hand over her goods.

You could say…

Dairy farming hacks the process.

And it works: After long hours of pain she finally surrenders.

She’s now trained and prepped… For a lifetime of productivity.

‘Lessa but…’

Right.

The moral of the story?

What do cows have to do with email marketing, like, at all?

Well.

You can try hacking the process.

You can manipulate people’s trust.

You can use hooks and gimmicks and storylines to fabricate your own narrative.

But you can never…

Confuse the drug with the real thing.

It’s true for cows, it’s true for humans:

We bond over trust (and oxytocin).

Not tactics.

Not control.

Not empty promises.

Because the beauty in life is this:

Over a long enough horizon…

Time washes the lies away.

Now, if you wanna build a loyal list that trusts you…

Start by being a good human (and actually care).

Off you go back to your coffee!

It’s gone cold…

xx Lessa

PS next time you’re on a date and you don’t feel like you’re bonding…….try a shot of oxytocin.

PPS the farmer didn’t really give the cow a bottle of rum but he HAS given other cows a bottle of grain brandy in the past. For um.. digestive purposes (it works)

PPPS re travel plans: i SO wanna see Colombia -

might casually run into Shakira rate my odds!! ↓